I have to tell you, my walks to the park have been a little less delightful lately due to the unkind comments and observations of many of the humans I have encountered. While these people stop to talk to me, and to pet me, they feel compelled to comment on my physique. They say tactful things like “she’s SO fat!”, or “what a chubster”, or “she’s a real heavy-weight!” One Chines couple even managed to get their insults across in spite of the fact they didn’t speak English — they simply gestured as to how wide I was an giggled.
First of all, I’m not fat; I’m stocky. Some would say “thick.” I am an English Bulldog, people. This is how I was bred to be. If you look up my breed online, a female Bulldog should be 12-18 inches tall and 40-50 lbs. I am approximately 17 inches tall and 45 pounds. I have broad shoulders, an expansive chest, and wrinkles. But my waist and belly are flat. I am very muscular. I have to admit I am not very “feminine” by human standards. Even when I wear frilly dresses, like the one in this picture, I kind of look like a guy. But it is who I am.
Even if you think I am fat or not your idea of a lady, I am not sure why you think it’s OK to voice that opinion upon greeting me. Nobody says my Greyhound buddies are “so skinny” or that their legs are “twiggy” or comments on the fact you can see their ribs. Who decided that emaciated was beautiful and that muscular was not? I know, the fashion industry, the media, society…. But why can’t people think for themselves? I am who God made me to be. I am strong, and proud, and confident, and SEXY! And if you don’t think so, keep your opinion to yourself!
There is a lot of chatter going on at the park and the coffee shop about the “InDOGuration” coming up in a few days. Nobody is talking about much else. Everyone seems pretty passionate about this event. Some people are excited and others seem to be mad about it. I am trying to figure this out. So, it seems whenever there is a new President, a whole bunch of dogs come to Washington. They have to bring their owners, too, because most dogs can’t drive and aren’t allowed on the airplane unless they get registered as a service animal. It’s apparently not that hard, though, because I heard about a turkey and a goose riding on the airplane because they were there for emotional support. Nonetheless, the owner still had to come along. It’s kind of ridiculous, but that’s the way it is.
Dogs and their people are starting to arrive in town already. Hotels are booked and the prices have tripled. I saw on TV last night that the luxury suite at a hotel near the White House, with his and her bathrooms, cost $85,000 a night! I hope, at that price, the dog gets her own bed, with a goose down comforter that she is allowed to shred. My brother’s friend is staying at our house because he is an unpaid intern here to cover the events and can’t afford a fancy hotel. I think it’s great: he has really nice leather shoes that I am waiting to get a chance to steal.
There are also going to be several balls. Some guy at the park said there were going to only be three balls for President Trump. I think that’s pretty shameful, and probably “fake news”. This guy claims to be super rich and a HUGE success; surely he can afford to buy more than 3 balls. I, myself, have around 6 balls. 3 or them even still squeak. It could be total chaos if thousands of dogs come to welcome this guy and they are all fighting over 3 balls. I’m just saying…
There is also going to be a parade. I really like parades. There are a bunch of kids with loud instruments and white flappy things on their shoes for me to chase. I also think I would like to chase a couple of clowns. I also hope the guys with the little felt hats are there riding their tiny tiny motorcycles or cars. I could totally jump on top of one of them and catch a ride!
The other big event is going to be on Saturday. Apparently, thousands, or hundreds of thousands of women are coming to march. I think they know they are going to miss the InDOGuration, but don’t really care. In fact, I think they are coming because they are NOT happy about the new President. I think it has something to do with a cat… Anyway, all these women are going to go together on a really long walk through Washington. That sounds just like my kind of thing — lots of women walking and talking and being supportive of the sisterhood! For some reason, they want us all to wear pantsuits. I don’t really look good in pants. I think I will wear my Elsa dress instead.